Drunken rants or tales

I think there should be a thread where drunk people can go rant about stuff, or tell tales of drunken nights or any drunken wandering you do , this post r very cunnin

lol, we could copy and paste everything Vex posts over the weekends so that we can still laugh at it after Blizz delete it on monday mornings

I was once chased out a window, while being butt naked, by a guy high on meth who wielded two steak knives. I opened the window so forcefully I ripped the thing out of the wall, leaving only a rectangular hole in the wall and broken glass on the ground as I ran into the forest where I sat perched in a bush, collecting my thoughts. Finally I found my balls again and went back, picking up a shovel on the way so I could bash some meth head only to find him lying in a featus position on the floor, crying and my ex lazily leaning up against the wall, patting on a cigarette.

'Twas a night to remember.

lol, no idea if thats true, but i dont care cause its still lawl to read

Quintilius wrote:

I was once chased out a window, while being butt naked, by a guy high on meth who wielded two steak knives. I opened the window so forcefully I ripped the thing out of the wall, leaving only a rectangular hole in the wall and broken glass on the ground as I ran into the forest where I sat perched in a bush, collecting my thoughts. Finally I found my balls again and went back, picking up a shovel on the way so I could bash some meth head only to find him lying in a featus position on the floor, crying and my ex lazily leaning up against the wall, patting on a cigarette.

'Twas a night to remember.

haha man I remember you telling us about this in /plague many moons ago

torgadon wrote:

lol, no idea if thats true, but i dont care cause its still lawl to read

Oc I can assure you it's true.

Is anyone surprised?

On topic;

After sitting through the latest Harry Potter movie, a mate and I decided that it was time to go pub crawling.

Between the two of us, we drank three pubs out of tequila over the course of the night, I lost count of the amount of shots we took somewhere around 45 (each) or so.

My only memories of that night are *walks up to bar, holding up three fingers, paying, and taking three shots*^10, me falling asleep at a petrol station on the way home, while waiting for food, and erm.. Other stuff that I am too embarrased about to post here.

I once fell out of the first floor window, because a friend told me there´s a hot naked man sitting on the tree outside. Ofc, I wanted to see the hotness, so I leaned out to look. I leaned out and out and out and ended up falling 2 and a half meters. Good thing I was drunk or I might have broken some bones. And to this day I swear there realy was a naked man on the tree...

lol, hes still there I bet.
And yes, when drunk you can overtake any injury

God takes care of drunks and fools

Drink is our god > how dare you

Several years ago, when I was a little 20-years-old, I went drinking with my friends to a place where they served some cheap beer and some cold meat salad. I was hungry so I had some of the meat salad, and after that I ordered a beer. That was the point where my friends came up with the idea that we should go to another place with music and better drinks. I had my beer half-finished, so I decided to take it along with me. When we were at the entrance of the place the guard warned me I cannot take the drink inside with me. I didn't want to pour it out so I quaffed it down with one big gulp. That was the point when everything - meat salad, beer - came out and landed on my foot, so the security guard didn't let me in anyway.
Because of that, we decided to go to another place instead, where I could wash my foot. The people in the bathroom pretty much laughed at me, thinking that I peed on it, but when I explained them that it is actually vomit, they all of a sudden started feeling sympathetic for me.
And no, I don't often vomit from drinks at all, I have a strong stomach, but the combination of the meat salad and beer did its work.

nearly two years ago, went out drinking with a few of my friends, had a good few cans of fosters, and a big enough bottle of shots with me, that night I completely had forgotten about the shots, so While on my normal drunken wanders for more drink to keep me drunk, I find the shot bottle (completely smashed by then) so im sitting staring at it remembering my da telling me to make sure its shared with the 4 other people cause its strong shit, and then that thought must of blanked outta my head, managed to sink the bottle withing a minute or two and urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I thought I was gonna vomit out my insides lol.
So I do the intelligent drunk thing and lay and my friend sdriveway to settle my dying stomach lol, but instaed he thinks its smart to keep lifting me up fast , so after around 5 times of lying down and eing heeved back up, my stomach eventually goes 'FAAAACKKKKK YOUUUUUUU' and barf all over his driveway xD. It was good, the guys house we were at was a posh/rich place, so i felt good and kinda annoyed that I didnt barf on him, think they had to hose it away etc lol, but as the way with drink, once you barf your ready for maor.

Well, about 18 years ago I went to Derry and got spectacularly drunk, then met this gorgeous lady and then ... hmm *counts fingers* so I could have ... erm ... *looks at Torgadon* ... no, no way ... *shuffles off*

LOL I don't really know where to begin... so many scally tales I could tell. Most involve drugs and some form of illegality, so maybe I keep quiet unless you insist.

Shit, I can't compete with this.

I only do "sexy" table-dancing.

So one of my favourite clubs from some time ago is a place in Liverpool called Garlands. It's a mixed straight/gay club and a bit legendary around the NW... at least it was for some time.

Well anyway, it's not a big club but they still persuade some big names to play there.
And one of the recurring DJs was Judge Jules (when he was pretty hip lol).

This one night when he was playing, they handed out fake black rimmed NHS specs to all (because he wears them). When he came onto the set, he looked onto the dancefloor and saw several hundred mashed up people tripping balls and wearing the same glasses as him. The look on his face as we all went crazy and demanded he play some of his mixes was awesome beyond belief. I would have loved to have been that guy and gone to play a venue and just have had several hundred mashed up guys ready to rock looking back at you with stupid NHS specs. When he came on everyone went crazy, it was a fuckin awesome nite

Last week I got drunk and punched a tramp until he stopped moving.

Akaula wrote:

Last week I got drunk and punched a tramp until he stopped moving.

Hmmm ... yes, I think you probably do.

pappa opathu?

torgadon wrote:

pappa opathu?

\

It's my way of being super-sardonic (sarcastic) and comes from a catchline in a famous TV advert from the 1980s.

What is this drunken thing you speak of?

Morgalyen wrote:

What is this drunken thing you speak of?

Korsakoff?

during my posting in german, nice place called Cellar. i had just finished a 4 week exierise and got back to camp that night at around 4am sat morning, if any of you know about the pubs in germany and the clubs, will will know that its 24 hour drinking out there.

well we all hit the bars and started to do the rounds, not needing to be in work untill tuesaday dinner time, we went for a good session. well by 11pm sat night ( yes thats 7 hours of non stop drinking) i met this girl, well at the time im sure she was a girl... back on point, we cont to drink well into the early hours of sunday morning, and to the point thing go very very blank.

i remember waking up with lots of small kids pulling on the sheet that covered me, in a sort of half sleep half away but still drunk way, i look around the room only to see lots of kids and lots of men and women, and what looks like a clown from a steven king novel. i sort of sit there real groggy and try to sober up, once every one leave i get out of the bed only to find im naked from the wast down and the past 8 hours are lost to me, there is 2 german girls and a bloke sat in the at the table waving at me and asking if im ok. i get dressed and run like fuck out of the house only to find my mates in the bar laughing there balls of at me that i cant handle my drink

before id blacked out id tryed to pole dance as well as do the naked shuffle around the bar

to this day i do not know what happend in the 8 hours, and i so never want to

but you got to love the british army and there love of drink

Ah, that's a good story!